thoughts,life and anxiety

I have decided to start writing a blog so I can get down all the thoughts feelings of anxiety and what has happened in my life so far. I am doing this to over come my anxiety issues so I can get back to being me. Over the last 3 years I have been helping to look after my mum who was diagnosed with breast cancer nearly a year after I had my little girl. I had tj slowly watch her fade away through the vigorous cancer she developed. It seemed to get worse ever few months and everytime we were given a little hope it was taken away, it spread very quickly and soon she had tj have chemotherapy which did the best we could hope for and stabilised her cancer but for what should have lasted at least 3 months lasted 6 week at which point all her had work bravery and determination was undone when she suffered a stroke was in hospital for 2 weeks and died. I have so many unanswered questions that I need to know, I am sure it's what everyone says but I really have. What will I do without the most brilliant woman I ever knew it seems that she was taken so fast in the end that I am left regretting things we never did and said. Don't get me wrong I managed to get very close to my mum since I had my little girl. We have always had a great relation ship but were very much a like and now and again we had our ups and downs like every one but she was always there for me. And when I had my little girl our relationship grew and she was my best friend. I still talk to her and wish that for just one last time we could have a conversation. There must have been so much she wanted to say after the stroke it paralyser her right side and she could only say one work 'What' why was it that word? Strange. She must have been so scared I just hope I made it easier explaining what happened. She never lost her sense of humour it did not matter that she could not say what she wanted (most of the time) her expressions said it all, I can imagine her now with that look saying what you going on about. Anyway I have made a good start to get some of this out of my head I will be back again. Sorry that it's a bit of a jumbled mess but as I have been looking for an outlet for a few months it's all coming out not necessarily in an order it should be. Blog soon